Final rewrite
Hello everyone,
Today I
will be talking about my one-on-one feedback with my lecturer
In my experience of rewriting my previous blog post called study
skills, which in my earlier blog post during this semester, back to when I did
not know what to do and I just wrote whatever that comes into my mind. In this feedback, she said that although my
work was good and well linked, there are a few minor things that I can improve
on moving forward.
As she said in her feedback on my blog “Here are a couple of specific things that might help
you improve going forward:
I think a little more clarity in what you are reading/
watching and why would be great. For example, you say “In my research, I came
across a YouTube channel called Mike and Matty” but really this is one
of the videos you were asked to watch as part of the task. There is
nothing wrong with just saying “For this blog we were asked to watch a video by
Mike and Matty”. This would allow you to discuss why you thought you were
specifically asked to watch this video, but also, if you had researched a little
further and found some new resources then it would be easier for you to make it
obvious that these were found by you through your own research process.
At one point you say:
“The generation effect is a robust memory phenomenon in which
actively producing material during encoding acts to improve later memory
performance. In a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) analysis,
we explored the neural basis of this effect. During encoding, participants
generated synonyms from word-fragment cues (e.g., GARBAGE-W_ST_) or read other
synonym pairs (e.g., GARBAGE-WASTE). Compared to simply reading target words,
generating target words significantly improved later recognition memory
performance. During encoding, this benefit was associated with a broad neural
network that involved both prefrontal (inferior frontal gyrus, middle frontal
gyrus) and posterior cortex (inferior temporal gyrus, lateral
occipital cortex, Parahippocampal gyrus,
ventral posterior parietal cortex). These findings define the prefrontal-posterior
cortical dynamics associated with the mnemonic benefits underlying
the generation effects. "Meaning that if we study if we use
our different parts of the brain then it is most likely that the
information you want to retain will be stuck in your head.
If you consider that the point of these blogs is to
show what you have learned from the video, and share it with other people like
your classmates, then the first part of this quote above doesn’t really achieve
that too well. This is because it is very technical and contains a lot of
jargon. This makes it less clear to me how much of this you understand,
rather than have just repeated from the source. It also may make it
difficult for other people reading your blog to understand it. On the other
hand, the second part “Means that if we
study if we use our different parts of the brain then it is most
likely that the information you want to retain will be stuck in your head.” Is actually the
important bit that both show that you understand what you are talking about
and also will help other people understand
Above all, your aim with these
blogs should be to be clear in what you are saying / the information you give and to also include some of your own opinion and thoughts on the topic.
Good job on this blog post!”
From my understanding of this feedback
what she means is that I must go in-depth in some of my points for others to
understand where I’m going across my point.
Thank you for listening!
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